Shack-ing Surprise
by ShinyMewGirl
Summary: A new employee is hired for the Mystery Shack, but he isn't who he seems. Why are Dipper and Mabel the only ones who can see through the disguise? Can they stop this man before he ruins everything?
1. He Comes

"I'm so boooooored," Mabel complained. Her brown hair was spread out in every direction as she spun on top of a globe of the world. Her sweater caught on a loose pencil point and caused a cup of writing supplies to fall over. She slipped off the sphere with a huff to clean up her mess.

"Uh, you can knit matching sweaters for you and your pig," her brother, Dipper, suggested. "Or help me solve the mysteries of my book." He held up a journal with torn, yellowing pages. The redish cover had a six-fingered hand of gold with a "3" on it.

She answered, "I'll go get my yarn and needles." Mabel left quickly. She returned with balls of yarns of every color and sat down in front of the cash register.

Well, she wasn't going to be helping her twin brother any time soon.

Wendy had the decency to glance up from an issue of "Avoid Eye Contact Monthly". "What are you gonna put on this one? A double rainbow?" she smiled.

"I was thinking more of a kitten playing football, but maybe a double rainbow with a bunch of unicorns isn't bad. How about matching sweaters so that if we hug, it makes one big picture-" she told everybody, but no one was paying attention.

Waddles squealed in pig as Stan walked into the door.

"Darn pig."

Mabel waved in her usual overly eager fashion, "Hey, Grunkle Stan!"

He ignored her. "I have some big news. I'm-"

Mabel overreacted, "You're firing us? No! Please! I'm begging you!"

"Relax, Mabel, he's not firing anyone," Dipper assured her. "Right?" He glanced suspiciously at his uncle.

"No."

Mabel saw some pink shreds of crumbled paper fly into the "complaint department" and land on top of some half-eaten hamburger.

"Point is, I'm hiring somebody. He's being paid a dollar an hour."

Wendy inquired, "Isn't that below minimum wage, Mister Pines?"

"So I make under minimum wage?" Dipper exclaimed.

"Nooooo. . ."

"But I did research for school and-" Mabel began.

"You researched wrong. And never mention this again."

"Okay!" Mabel smiled. She pointed at the door. "By the way, there's someone there."

"Kids, meet William Psyfar!" Stan announced, opening the door.

Dipper took one look at the new cat-eyed employee and said, "We're doomed."


	2. He Falls

"Wow, two hundred dollars for Mystery Shack snow globes in the middle of summer? Cheap!" William said. "I'm surprised, Mister Pines, I thought such quality would cost more!"

"You're right. Wendy, go add an extra zero to the price!"

She complained, "How are you still in business?"

"Totally not tax fraud. . ."

Dipper stumbled into the room, holding up several boxes of merchandise that only an idiot would buy. He announced, "Someone left a box on top of the stairs. I nearly tripped over it and fell on a pile of fake American Indian arrowheads."

"Why did you bring down those boxes of t-shirts?" his uncle asked.

Dipper peeked around the mountain of junk and replied, "You told me to, remember?"

"I never said that."

William whistled, "Wow, this kid's pretty nuts, huh? Pine T-Dipper, you sure you're alright?"

The boy glared at the new employee.

"He's weird, but he's not crazy!" Mabel answered, looking up from the pile of raw sugar packets she had been consuming.

"Wendy, can you pass me a hammer and some nails?" Stan asked.

Wendy didn't look up from her magazine, "Mabel, can you get Mister Pines a hammer and some nails?"

"On it!" she shouted. Mabel rushed up to a high shelf and pulled up a stepping stool. As she pulled down the box of nails and a hammer, she lost her balance and fell off the stool. When she fell, she hit a crate of rocks spray-painted gold. They clattered to the ground with her. "Ow!"

"Kids, amiright?" William laughed.

"I like you," Stan answered.

William continued, "Maybe you two should take a break. The Shack's not a safe place for little children like you! I mean, Sh-Mabel almost got pelted by rocks, Dipper almost fell down the stairs and imagined an order. . ."

"We're not children!" Dipper exclaimed. "I'm twelve! I'm almost a teen!"

Mabel cheered, "Yeah!" A bit of sugar spilled onto the floor. Waddles happily ate it.

"J-Just maybe take five, kids," Stan suggested.

The twins walked out of the building, frowning.

The guy in yellow watched as they disappeared into town, smiling like a weirdo.

* * *

It was six in the evening when the twins returned. They sat on the bench outside, acting like mourners at a funeral.

William stepped out of the Shack, carrying a large box of signs to hang up in the woods. He stopped to look at the kids.

"Haha, you okay there, kiddos? Do you need your teddy bear or whatever?"

"I don't like you," Mabel shouted. "You're a buttface!"

William pretended to be offended, "Wow, hurtful."

"You're Bill Cipher!" Dipper stated. "You both have the same eyes, both dress in yellow, have similar names, same everything! Admit it, Bill!"

William put on a look of confusion, "Kid, I know me and this guy have similar names, but I'm not the triangle guy!"

Mabel pouted, "He's never wrong!"

"Keep telling yourself that," William Psyfar concluded, whooshing away with the crate into the woods.

Dipper took out Journal 3 and held it under a pocket black light to read the book of mystery. Previously invisible notes appeared next to the main text. He sighed, "He's right, Mabel. I'm just being silly. This book is ruining my life."

Mabel gasped, "Dipper, did you mention the fact that Bill's a triangle to him?!"

Dipper shook his head, suddenly very alert.

They both dashed to the forest as if chased by a monster.

* * *

It was easy to find William. One just had to follow the trail of signs.

"Psyfar!" Mabel yelled when she saw him.

"How do you know Bill is a triangular being if we never told you?!" Dipper ordered.

William laughed nervously, "Kids, I didn't mention anything about triangles! You really are silly!"

Dipper exclaimed, "Admit it, Bill! It's you!"

"Look, I'd love to stay and chat about this game of your's, but-" William began, but tripped over s conveniently placed tree stump.

"I knew it!" Dipper shouted when William Psyfar floated in the air, inches above the ground.


	3. They Plan

"Alright, kids, you got me!" William announced angrily, still floating around. "I'm Bill Cipher! Boy, you sure are smarter than the rest of this town, aren't you? Hats off to you!"

Mabel asked, "But why? How? What-?"

"I may have stolen a corpse."

"Ew!" she yelled.

"Look, you've both been getting in my way too much. I need to get rid of you somehow," Bill began.

"You're going to kill us?!" Dipper exclaimed.

"Nah," he answered, almost bored. "I was going to, but then I remembered that I still have to have you alive for my big plan to work. Instead, I'll just have you two fired from the staff of the Mystery Shack. As soon as Stan sees how you two are just going to hurt yourselves, he'll fire you or something. If you're lucky, I'll have both of you back home!"

"No!" Mabel screamed.

Bill taunted, "Why not? Isn't that what you wanted in the beginning of your trip?"

"Yeah, but-" Dipper stuttered.

"See? I'll be doing you both a favor!" he explained. "You get to go home, I'll get to execute the plans I have and we're all happy! Now go back to the Shack and fail to work!"

He was gone before either could protest.

* * *

"We need to stop Bill!" Dipper stated that night. He taped a large paper to the wall for his presentation.

"Maybe we can talk about our feelings with him! We'll all be glad! Eleven out of ten on the Happy Chart!" Mabel held up a paper with smiling and frowning face stickers on it.

"I don't think-"

"Summon a demon?"

Dipper hung his head, "Mabel, he is a demon. I don't think that will help us at all. It might even make it worse!"

"Use the Journal then, dumb butt!" Mabel shouted. "You have it for a reason!"

"Of course!" Dipper exclaimed. "I read about exorcism in Journal number three! We'll use that on Bill!"

"One problem."

"What is it?"

"How'll you read the spell or do the ritual or whatever?" Mabel questioned.

"Gah!" he replied in frustration.

Mabel smiled, "You forgot something!"

"Yeah, I-"

"No, I mean something else."

Dipper sighed, "What?"

"I major in distractions!"

"I have the perfect plan, then!" Dipper announced. He drew stick people on the paper. "You'll lure Bill out of the Shack and into the woods. Meanwhile, while he corners you, I'll recite the incantation and it'll be over! What could go wrong?"

Waddles squealed in agreement. Mabel smiled, "Nothing!"

Everything went wrong.


	4. He Burns

Bill/William was working when the plan took place.

Mabel was dancing outside, yelling at the top of her lungs, "LALALALALA! LOOK! LOOK AT ME AND PAY ATTENTION TO WHAT I'M DOING! LOOK! LOOK AT ME! I'M A DEMON! I DO MAGIC AND STUFF! FIRE NOISES! LOOK! AT! ME!" and a whole bunch of other things.

She expected Bill to be offended and come out to yell at her, but he didn't do anything, just continue to swindle everybody. His boss and the customers were falling for his act. It was horrendous.

After about half an hour, Mabel stopped. For a moment, it seemed as if the little girl had given up. Not even a minute later, she returned and danced with a gallon of Mabel Juice nearby, with extra plastic dinosaurs in it.

It was five minutes before anyone reacted, but it was Stan and all he did was yell out the window.

It was time to bother Bill directly.

Mabel stared through any window closest to the demon in disguise and shouted, "Bill! Bill! Hey, Bill! Bill Cipher! Billy! Bill! Bill! Hey, Billy Cipher!"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT, SHOOT- MABEL?!"

"Your hat is stupid," she snickered. "Bill! Hey, Cipher! Billy!"

He yelled back, "WHAT IS IT THIS TIME?!"

"Hi. Hey! Billy Cipher! Billiam! Cill Bipher!"

"May I please be excused?" William finally asked Stan after enduring this for an hour.

Stan asked, "Why?"

"I'm going to shut her up."

"Good idea. She's scaring away the customers. Guess she wasn't fit for the job."

Bill Cipher was long gone, chasing the twelve year-old into the woods.

* * *

"GET BACK HERE SO I CAN STRANGLE YOU AND LEAVE YOU HANGING BY THE SWEATER ON A FLAMING TREE!"

Mabel was laughing. In sheer terror. This was actually a lot scarier than anticipated. And where was Dipper? He should be nearby, ready to exorcise the dream demon.

He was not.

Mabel ran straight into him, both of them collapsing to the ground.

"Dipper! Why aren't you ready?!"

"It took you two hours to get- RUN!" Dipper screamed a little too late.

Bill grabbed both of the twins by the back of their shirt. "YOU KIDS KEEP MESSING WITH ME!" he shouted. He actually spoke the way he normally did, his voice echoing for no reason. "THIS IS THE LAST STRAW. I CAN'T HAVE YOU-"

Dipper flung a handful of dirt into the demonic human's face. He let them go to wipe it off, giving Dipper exactly what he needed.

"Chaos magnum fecerunt, ut hominem! Demon triangulis ab sententia, egredere de mundo mortale!" he shouted.

The twins backed into the tree behind them, expecting the worst.

Bill also looked worried for a moment, standing still tense and with wide eyes. But a moment passed, then two, and several more, but nothing happened.

Bill started laughing, nervously at first but eventually losing it, "WOW, KID, YOU REALLY THROUGH JUST SAYING SOMETHING IN LATIN WOULD WORK? YOU'RE NOT RIGHT IN THE HEAD!"

"B-But the Journal-" Dipper stuttered.

"KID, I'M IMPRESSED YOU EVEN GOT HERE WITH THAT BOOK!" Bill kept laughing. "I MEAN, THE AUTHOR HAD NO IDEA WHAT-"

"Author?"

Bill began to say something, but his right sleeve was on fire.

"AAARGH! GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" he screamed, trying to put out the blue flames desperately, but it just spread. Eventually the entire physical form of the dream demon was on fire. "KIDS, YOU JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND THAT I WAS GOING TO DO YOU A FAVOR! NOW THIS. IS. HAPPENING!" The was a flash of fire.

Then he was gone.

"Let's never speak of this again," Dipper quickly said, staring at the smoldering Earth.

"Agreed!"


End file.
